Lest you think that every single entry of this blog will be a documentation of my ongoing humiliation/rejection, I am happy to report that I met not one, but TWO very nice women today courtesy of Craigslist. I know, amazing, right?
Date #1 was a coffee date. Now, I'm not a huge fan of coffee, and meeting at a Starbucks may not be the most original idea, but hey, baby steps, right?
For those of you who know me (which would be no one at this point, unless I have readers I'm not aware of), you know that in person I can be...nervous. Especially if I'm meeting someone for the first time. That's just how I'm wired. I'm keenly aware of this nervousness and do my best to get through it. In the past I would have received liquid courage in the form of booze, but those days are long behind me. Now, I just have to step outside of my comfort zone and make the effort. It's hard. I live in my head a lot of the time, which makes socializing a challenge.
Still, I think date #1 went well. Not really a date, I suppose, more like a pre-date. At the end she asked if I'd want to meet up again and I said, sure!
Now, date #2...wow! This was more a "real" date in the sense that we met for dinner and I, being of that generation (i.e. OLD) paid for dinner, because that's how I roll. Did I say wow? I really enjoyed date #2 for several reasons, chief among them the fact that we share a passion for writing. Also: damn good Thai food! Yum.
There is a tentative plan for a date #3 this coming weekend. Crossing fingers. I suppose, in the very least, even if there wasn't a date #3 I know that the possibility exists for actually meeting someone. It may take a lot of time. "Good things come to he who waits" as the old saying goes, and I've been waiting a long damn time. Good things: I'm looking at you.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
"Looks are not important"
One of the biggest lies told in online dating (this includes the strange world of Craigslist personals as well as dating web sites) is the sentiment that "Looks are not important." People will say that in their dating profile, or in a CL posting. Hell, I say it.
The truth is, of course, that looks mean everything. People really don't want to get to know what's on the inside if they don't like what's on the outside. Now, obviously not everyone is that superficial. But those folks are few and far between. If they exist, I certainly haven't met them. The one person I actually know who did in fact mean it when she said that looks weren't important was my ex-wife. Although, I did see her Facebook picture with her new boyfriend and she definitely has traded up.
Even I mean it, although I'd like to think that I'm not as superficial as others. Given a choice between a super-model with a double-digit IQ, and a "BBW" who is smart, funny, and creative, I'd go with the BBW each and every time.
Now, you may be asking this question: "Scott, you're just being paranoid. What proof do you have?" I do have anecdotal proof.
First up: online dating websites. I'm too cheap to pay for a membership at Chemistry.com or Match.com, and forget eHarmony (they rejected me after filling out the personality profile as not being compatible with anyone). I do use OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish.
I've been a member at OK Cupid since June or July of 2008. I've sent out a few dozen messages to other members. My response rate is something like 7%. No, I'm not e-mailing photos of my genitals. That may seem like a strange statement, but apparently it's not uncommon for men to do just that. In the time I've been a member of OK Cupid I've been on exactly ONE date, and that was just for coffee. When I do message someone at OK Cupid I try to write something that is witty and interesting and not obnoxious. Yet virtually no one responds, even when I have a lot in common with the person I'm writing, nor do they ever say why.
Plenty of Fish is even worse. I've received one response to over 30 messages I've sent out. And in virtually every case, the person I'm writing to simply deletes the message without reading it.
Moving on to Craigslist, I've had the opposite experience. The women who read my postings will respond, and we'll correspond for a bit. And then, when it gets to the point where we exchange photos, guess what? As soon as I send mine, the e-mail exchanges end.
Here's a perfect example. Back in October a woman responded to my ad, where I had mentioned enjoying video games. She did as well. We exchanged several messages, and then fired up our Xbox 360s and played a game online. We had a good time. When we were done I sent her an e-mail saying how I had enjoyed playing the game with her. She responded by saying she wanted to know what I looked like, so I sent a photo. And...never heard from her again. It's very weird, but it happens all the time. Doesn't exactly do wonders for the old self-esteem, you know?
I've even gotten to the point where I'll mention my physical appearance in an ad. I'm losing the battle with my hairline, so I've brought that up several times. And I've had some responses along the lines of "I like bald men!" and of course, as soon as my picture is sent, the truth comes out: no, she really doesn't like a balding man.
Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment as I don't let this continued rejection stop me. Maybe I should just give up and become a monk? Or a priest? Seeing as I've been essentially celibate for over two years, it seems like it'd be the perfect fit.
The truth is, of course, that looks mean everything. People really don't want to get to know what's on the inside if they don't like what's on the outside. Now, obviously not everyone is that superficial. But those folks are few and far between. If they exist, I certainly haven't met them. The one person I actually know who did in fact mean it when she said that looks weren't important was my ex-wife. Although, I did see her Facebook picture with her new boyfriend and she definitely has traded up.
Even I mean it, although I'd like to think that I'm not as superficial as others. Given a choice between a super-model with a double-digit IQ, and a "BBW" who is smart, funny, and creative, I'd go with the BBW each and every time.
Now, you may be asking this question: "Scott, you're just being paranoid. What proof do you have?" I do have anecdotal proof.
First up: online dating websites. I'm too cheap to pay for a membership at Chemistry.com or Match.com, and forget eHarmony (they rejected me after filling out the personality profile as not being compatible with anyone). I do use OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish.
I've been a member at OK Cupid since June or July of 2008. I've sent out a few dozen messages to other members. My response rate is something like 7%. No, I'm not e-mailing photos of my genitals. That may seem like a strange statement, but apparently it's not uncommon for men to do just that. In the time I've been a member of OK Cupid I've been on exactly ONE date, and that was just for coffee. When I do message someone at OK Cupid I try to write something that is witty and interesting and not obnoxious. Yet virtually no one responds, even when I have a lot in common with the person I'm writing, nor do they ever say why.
Plenty of Fish is even worse. I've received one response to over 30 messages I've sent out. And in virtually every case, the person I'm writing to simply deletes the message without reading it.
Moving on to Craigslist, I've had the opposite experience. The women who read my postings will respond, and we'll correspond for a bit. And then, when it gets to the point where we exchange photos, guess what? As soon as I send mine, the e-mail exchanges end.
Here's a perfect example. Back in October a woman responded to my ad, where I had mentioned enjoying video games. She did as well. We exchanged several messages, and then fired up our Xbox 360s and played a game online. We had a good time. When we were done I sent her an e-mail saying how I had enjoyed playing the game with her. She responded by saying she wanted to know what I looked like, so I sent a photo. And...never heard from her again. It's very weird, but it happens all the time. Doesn't exactly do wonders for the old self-esteem, you know?
I've even gotten to the point where I'll mention my physical appearance in an ad. I'm losing the battle with my hairline, so I've brought that up several times. And I've had some responses along the lines of "I like bald men!" and of course, as soon as my picture is sent, the truth comes out: no, she really doesn't like a balding man.
Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment as I don't let this continued rejection stop me. Maybe I should just give up and become a monk? Or a priest? Seeing as I've been essentially celibate for over two years, it seems like it'd be the perfect fit.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Coffee Date #2 for 2010
Here I was ready to discuss OK Cupid rejection when I managed to arrange a coffee date for today. I will get to the OK Cupid rejection soon, as I'm sure both of my readers are anxious to learn more of.
I have taken to reading Craigslist personal ads lately; they can be addicting. I post there as well of course.
One ad caught my eye, from a woman with a graduate degree. In the ad she shared an anecdote about how her father suggested she should act dumb in order to land a man to get married to. Now, I am the kind of man who finds intelligent women extremely appealing and sexy. Much more so than looks. A vapid but pretty woman is not attractive to me at all.
We began exchanging e-mails and eventually got to the point where we were ready to meet in person. That day was today.
Now, a bit about me: I'm not only a classic introvert (ISTJ as a matter of fact) but I'm quite shy. Incredibly shy. When I'm meeting someone new for the first time I tend to get very, very nervous. I suspect it's quite off-putting. I've been told I do not make a very good first impression.
We chatted for an hour over coffee and she then had to leave. I enjoyed talking to her but I'm not sure what she thought of me. I suggested a second meeting and received a noncommittal reply. So, not really sure if there will be a second meeting or not.
I suppose these sorts of encounters are at least good for me in the sense that I will have practice in chatting up strangers. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get better at it.
I have taken to reading Craigslist personal ads lately; they can be addicting. I post there as well of course.
One ad caught my eye, from a woman with a graduate degree. In the ad she shared an anecdote about how her father suggested she should act dumb in order to land a man to get married to. Now, I am the kind of man who finds intelligent women extremely appealing and sexy. Much more so than looks. A vapid but pretty woman is not attractive to me at all.
We began exchanging e-mails and eventually got to the point where we were ready to meet in person. That day was today.
Now, a bit about me: I'm not only a classic introvert (ISTJ as a matter of fact) but I'm quite shy. Incredibly shy. When I'm meeting someone new for the first time I tend to get very, very nervous. I suspect it's quite off-putting. I've been told I do not make a very good first impression.
We chatted for an hour over coffee and she then had to leave. I enjoyed talking to her but I'm not sure what she thought of me. I suggested a second meeting and received a noncommittal reply. So, not really sure if there will be a second meeting or not.
I suppose these sorts of encounters are at least good for me in the sense that I will have practice in chatting up strangers. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get better at it.
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